the Walnut Diary

In the Costco parking lot this afternoon I found myself tightening the left front lug nuts on my Porsche Cayenne. Of course today had been the day I decided to put the summer tires on, so I had Ruby up on the hoist and the wheels switched before 9:00 a.m. Seems the studs were rustier than they looked, and I forgot the torque-wrench stage.

It was fortunate that I had had to back out of a trick parking space at the Rose and Crown (fish and chips to die for) and the studs alerted me to their looseness after the prolonged full-lock maneuver. What astonished me was how many turns it took to make the four loose studs tight again. One was still intact. The studs must have been working themselves loose while I was driving down the 401 at high speed. And there was no warning until I cranked the steering enough to allow the wheel to rattle a bit, fifty miles into the trip.

Initially it sounded like a rear brake spring loose, but over a mile of driving it became steadier and louder. I parked, loosed Bet into the store, and set about with the on-board tool kit.

The tire wrench works, and I couldn’t bend it with the limited brute force I could generate. Later the torque wrench set at 105 foot pounds only tightened one stud any more before clicking. But on the left front, four of those studs had required many turns with the emergency wrench.

Crisis ended, I headed for the lunch bar and a dish of chocolate ice cream. Then came my only inspired moment of the day. My wife habitually vanishes into Costco and I can’t find her until she is ready to come out. Instead, this time I texted: “Chocolate ice cream in dish with two spoons, at the tables.” Very soon thereafter Bet showed up, took a spoon, and helped herself to the bait. She knew I would eat it all, so she had temporarily abandoned her cart to protect my blood sugar. Kind, self-sacrificing woman.

Even kinder, she did not rail upon me for forgetting to tighten the lug nuts, and even offered not to tell Charlie. Oh well, if he reads this he’ll know, and resume clandestinely torquing the wheels on his Dad’s cars.